No Butts About It, I Smoke

Yes, I smoke, and not just from being the toaster too long, but I actually enjoy inhaling nicotine.

Yes, I know I am inhaling alot more than just the nicotine, and yes, I know it is not healthy. In fact, I used to work for the American Cancer Society. An organization where I woked as a non-smoker, and assisted in promoting the cessation of smoking. I am well educated on the 'facts.' I called them 'cancer sticks.' I refused to eat in establishments that allowed smoking. I even used to be one of those people who jumped for joy (if you can imagine La Wry doing such a thing) at the news that public places were going smoke free, and that it is illegal to smoke in many places.

But all this was before I became a smoker.

It is more than ironic that one who used to work anti-cigartte, now smokes. It is weird to have gone from PC, to outlaw, even if an educated outlaw.

I often have fantasies now, on how it would be if I could smoke in public.... If I could always be assured of that fine after dinner cig... If I wouldn't have to sneak outside to have one when visiting family... If, if, if.

So here I am, a smoker, long after it was 'cool' or even tolerated.

Yet, curiously, I am finding out that I am not so alone in my love of this thing, this moneky on my back...

I have stumbled upon websites devoted to smoking women. Nude women who are smoking, not just cuz they are 'hot' but actually smoking cigarettes. Apparently, this is a whole fetish. (And like many fetishes, I know only that it exists, not anyone who admits to having the fetish, or whom would crave me for it.)

Is this fetish about being 'naughty' and 'bad?'

I ask, as I wonder why I smoke... Aside from the love of it, the relief it brings, and the addiction...

Am I a 'bad girl' by doing something I know is 'wrong' -- a dangerous woman? Or is this some sort of weird throw-back idea of 'sexy' from by-gone days of when smoking was cool...

Do I identify with those women in my favorite film noir movies... After all, the women smoked, the men smoked - I even think the children, who are very limited in noir, are smoking - it is hard to see them in the distance... They all smoked. Those who didn't smoke not in the movie long. Extras who you never thought about. But the stars of film noir smoked.

They has reasons to smoke in those dark, moody films, where nothing really good ever happened, at least not to the main characters. You knew it, they knew it. Even if they had known smoking was bad for you then, they still would have smoked, after all, they weren't going to be around very long. Life was painful, scary and lots of work just to get by, precisely the conditions made for smoking. Precisely the conditions that exist (even if they say it is all inside my head).

So, am I a naughty, naughty girl, or suffering from a case of self medication, using nicotine for what ails me? Or am a a naughty girl who self medicates?

In any case, La Wry is not apologizing for smoking, nor does she have any plans to stop anytime soon.

Maybe, just maybe, noir will make a huge comeback, and I will be ready to star. If not, maybe I can get a job posing for one of those smoking fetish sites...


"If every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your life, every game of Dungeons and Dragons you play delays the loss of your virginity by 7 hours."
Marilyn Manson